


I Ain't Ever Loved No One

by Ohmygodnighttroll



Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Actually ALOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baby Joy comes a little earlier in their timeline, But that isn't to say they don't have a rough road ahead of them, Enthusiastic Consent, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Modern Era, There's some death involved, This fic will earn its M rating, and eventual fluff, and unexpected pregnancy, i'll update as I go along, no beta we die like men, they are consenting adults, ¿Que pasa Mufasa?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23457904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmygodnighttroll/pseuds/Ohmygodnighttroll
Summary: “When I said I loved you, I didn’t care if you said it back, I ain’t ever love no one like that.”Anne has been through six months of hell, and is in desperate need of a night devoid of responsibilities. Luckily Gilbert Blythe has shown up at just the right moment to provide just that. Who knew that the consequences of such a night would be greater than either of them anticipated?Narrator:*raises hand* I knew
Relationships: Diana Barry & Anne Shirley, Diana Barry/Fred Wright, Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe & Sebastian "Bash" Lacroix, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Ruby Gillis/Moody Spurgeon MacPherson
Comments: 77
Kudos: 220





	1. Happy Birthday Anne

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this as an original piece back in '12 and just let it fester on a hard drive for eight years until now. It's taken me a little bit of time to refit it to work with the AoGG and AWAE canon, which I've mixed a little here.  
> Anyways I hope you enjoy this fic that I decided to resurrect from the ashes, and if you have any questions please leave them in the comment section (Please be nice). 
> 
> Title is from song "I Ain't Ever Loved No One" by Donovan Woods and Tenile Townes

_ Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me… _

Anne Shirley sang along softly to a crank handle music box nestled into the palm of her hand. It had been a gift from Matthew on the first birthday she had celebrated at Green Gables. Her birthday didn’t hold quite the festive nature as it had when he’d given it to her. Matthew had been dead for 6 months, and Anne was celebrating her first birthday without him. 

The jingling of the bell above the front door signaled the arrival of a new customer and broke Anne from her reverie. She hastily placed the music box in the pocket of her apron, and called over her shoulder.

“I’ll be with you in just a mo—”

“Queen Anne!”

The boisterous voice of Sebastian LaCroix preceded a bone crunching hug. Anne accepted and returned the hug with equal fervor. 

“It is lovely to see you Bash!” Anne released him and guided him to a table. “Is Dellie with you? Oh, I’ve been dying to pay you a visit so I could see her.”

“She’s coming, I know she’ll be excited to see her Auntie Anne.”

Anne chuckled. “As much as I love that she thinks of me as her aunt, getting called ‘Auntie Anne’ always makes me think of the pretzel place.”

“There are worse nicknames out there, as I’m sure you know,” Bash said with a wink. “Ah, here comes my Dellie: Blythe is bringing her in now. Hey Blythe! Come say hello to Anne!”

Anne looked back over her shoulder. Gilbert Blythe stepped through the doors of the diner with a giggling Delphine on his shoulders. He set the young girl down on her feet to sprint over to where Bash and Anne were standing; and she proceeded to wrap her arms aggressively around Anne’s middle.

“Auntie!” she cried, a toothy grin beaming up at Anne, “Uncle Gilbert and I went horse ride backing!”

“You did?! Well you’ll have to tell me all about it, but how about right now you sit down here with Daddy and I’ll go get you some hot chocolate? Would you like that?”

Dellie giggled and climbed into a chair next to her father, leaving Gilbert and Anne to greet each other.

She didn’t know why she’d thought that nearly three months of separation would have changed him completely, he looked just as she remembered him. From the dark curls on his head, which seemed would never be tamed, to his slightly too large sweaters that had once belonged to his father, to his equally warm and mischievous smile pulling up on one side, he was the same Gilbert Blythe she’d always known. Gilbert’s eyes found hers and Anne could instantly feel her face broadening into a smile. The first real one she’d had in ages.

“Hi,” he said, reaching up to rake his fingers through his hair. 

“Hi,” she replied. 

Before Anne knew what was happening, Gilbert wrapped her in a hug, his chin resting gently on the top of her head.

“Happy Birthday,” He whispered into her hair.

Anne sighed into his chest, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms, even if only briefly. 

She broke away far too quickly for either of their liking—not that either of them would admit it to the other.

“Thanks,” she said. She grabbed the ticket book from her apron, and held it out in front of her. 

“What can I get you?”

Gilbert gave her a puzzled look, then seeming to remember where they were, he sat down opposite Bash and Dellie, gesturing for them to order before him.

Dellie gazed up at Anne with big brown eyes. “Can I have chocolate chip pancakes?”

“Of course you can.”

“Shaped like a dinosaur?!”

Anne laughed softly at Delphine’s excitement. “A dinosaur huh? What’s brought this on?”

Bash rolled his eyes. “Blythe. He comes back from Toronto, not home for three days and he spoils her with fancy pancakes.”

“I see, and since when does Gilbert know how to cook?”

“Hey!” Gilbert replied, “I heard that!”

“Good,” said Anne, giving him a pointed look. “I wasn’t whispering.” 

Gilbert tried to look insulted, but soon broke out into an easy laughter. 

“Now I remember why I miss you so much when you’re gone, Queen Anne.” Bash said with a hearty guffaw. “Nobody knows how to cut him down a peg quite like you!”

“I was trying to get her excited about science, and I’ll have you know that my cooking skills have vastly improved!”

The tips of Gilbert’s ears had were tinged with pink, something Anne knew only happened when he was embarrassed, but not so embarrassed that he would be upset at Anne’s gentle ribbing.

“Well I’m glad to know that you finally learned you can’t live off Ramen noodles and Kraft Dinner alone.” Anne turned from Gilbert to Bash, getting his order before heading towards the kitchen.

“Hey!” Gilbert called to her retreating frame, “what about me?!”

“I know what you like!” 

Gilbert stared at her back for a moment longer, then laughed with a shake of his head. 

“Are you planning on inviting her out tonight, Blythe?” 

“What?” Gilbert choked.

Bash directed his gaze over to where Anne was chatting animatedly with the grill cook through the kitchen window. 

“You should invite Anne out for her birthday tonight.” He said these words as slowly and clearly as if he were saying them so Dellie could understand. “Weren’t you mentioning something about a pub show on the mainland?”

Gilbert sighed, “I’m sure she already has plans for tonight, Bash.”

“You’ll never know unless you ask.”

“Even if she doesn’t have plans tonight, what makes you think out of all the friends she has that she’d want to spend her night with me?” 

Bash threw up his hands. “You know, for two people as smart as you two are, you’re both a bit stupid when it comes to things that really matter.” 

Gilbert opened his mouth to retort, but quickly thought better of it as Anne sidled back up to the table carrying a tray laden with food. She set out the fare in front of them, causing Dellie to squeal in delight when she saw her pancakes.

“Uncle Gilbert, what kind of dinosaur is this?” She held out the plate for his inspection.

“An Apatosaurus,” he told her. “Sometimes people call them long-necks. Can you guess why?”

“Because they have long necks!” she giggled. “Thank you, Auntie!”

Anne beamed at her. “You’re welcome, Princess.” 

She placed Bash’s breakfast in front of him and then turned her attention to Gilbert.

“Ham and cheese omelet, sausage not bacon, extra crispy hash browns---yes I brought you ketchup, and a glass of orange juice.” She set said items in front of him, then fixed her gaze on him with a slow raise of her eyebrows. “Did I get it right?”

Gilbert stared at her almost in disbelief. This was his Anne: this girl right here. Despite everything she had gone through, she looked good. She was smiling at Dellie and Bash, and joking with him in a way she hadn’t done in years. Whatever tension and awkwardness he’d expected to be there wasn’t, and Gilbert felt himself let out a heavy sigh.

“Perfect as always, Anne-girl.” 

Anne gave a little bow. “I do my best.”

Bash kicked Gilbert under the table—causing the latter to choke on his orange juice—and darted his eyes over to Anne. The message was clear: get a move on.

“Say Anne,” Gilbert began, his voice a little hoarse from the orange juice, “You wouldn’t have any plans tonight would you?”

“Well not unless you call going home to an empty condo and a very elusive cat, eating the cheesecake Tillie sent me in its entirety, and bingeing the Pride and Prejudice miniseries for the millionth time plans.” Anne tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Why? What’d you have in mind?”

“Well Moody’s band is playing a show in Kingsport tonight, and I’d already told him I would come, and I thought maybe you’d want to come with? I mean it won’t just be you and me if that’s what you’re worried about, Charlie’s going to meet us there, and of course Ruby will be there too…” 

His voice trailed off, and when Anne didn’t reply in the .5 seconds he had stopped talking he responded by shoveling a huge forkful of his omelet into his mouth. Anything so he didn’t have to speak again.

Bash rolled his eyes and spoke up for him. “What I think this pathetic excuse of a gentleman was trying to say was that it is your birthday, and you deserve far better than Pride and Prejudice and eating a cheesecake by yourself.”

“Clearly you’ve never had Tillie’s cheesecake.”

Gilbert swallowed and looked up at her with what he thought was his best attempt at puppy dog eyes. 

“C’mon, Anne,” he said, “Please?”

Anne considered his offer for a moment. She wasn’t sure about spending one of her precious nights off—nights that came few and far between these days—out in Kingsport with someone like Charlie Sloane. Even if she had Gilbert, Moody, and Ruby as a buffer, somehow Charlie always found a way to make a move on Anne, and despite her constant refusals, hadn’t seemed to have gotten the hint yet. On the other hand, the thought of spending her birthday alone was sounding more and more pathetic by the second. And she had always liked Moody’s music. Even if his band had never toured anywhere outside the Maritimes, she felt honor bound to support them whenever she had the chance. 

Before she could give her response however, Dellie looked up from where she’d been blowing bubbles in her hot chocolate. 

“Uncle Gilbert, why your face look funny?”

Bash snorted into his coffee while Gilbert’s ears turned red again.

“I thought I was giving Auntie Anne my best puppy dog face.” Gilbert said with a shy smile. 

Dellie shook her head, brown ringlets bobbing from side to side. 

“No,” she said. “You look more like a blobfish.”

Gilbert’s eyes widened as Bash looked like he was going to die from laughter. He looked over to Anne who was doubled over, tears of mirth spilling over in her eyes. 

He couldn’t even be mad at Delphine; her blunt honesty was something that was so uniquely hers, and yet at the same time reminded him and Bash so much of Mary that Gilbert could never fault her for it.

Anne finally stopped laughing long enough to accept Gilbert’s invitation. 

“Only because you make such an adorable blobfish,” she assured him, giving his cheek a little pat. “But I have some conditions: First, neither of us ends up sober sister tonight. Second, you help me eat Tillie’s cheesecake. I don’t need to be drunk and in a sugar coma tonight.” 

The bell at the counter dinged, signaling an order. Anne sighed.

“I have to go take this, but I’ll be back. Dellie still has to tell me about ‘horse ride backing.’” 

As soon as she had walked away, Gilbert turned on Bash. 

“For someone who says that I’m obvious, you weren’t exactly subtle about wanting to set us up tonight,” he hissed.

“Calm down Blythe, you’re exaggerating. Besides it worked didn’t it? And she said you were _adorable._ ” Bash leaned in towards Gilbert and made kissy faces. “Gilby Goo, the adorable blobfish.”

Gilbert leveled his butter knife at Bash’s throat. “I will end you.” 

“No you won’t, you need me. Now eat up: you’re food’s getting cold.”

Gilbert exhaled heavily, sat back, and nibbled at what was left of his breakfast. All the while he agonized over what the hell he had gotten himself into.

  
  



	2. Love, Lust, or Losing It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert have fun at the pub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we begin, allow me to give you some pertinent information to this story:  
> First off, In this story Anne and Gilbert are the same age only a few months apart, and this is Anne's 25th birthday party.  
> After Matthew died, Anne and Marilla couldn't afford to keep the farm and Green Gables so they were sold off and they had enough money to buy Anne a modest condo in Charlottetown. Marilla moved into a retirement community in White Sands with Rachel Lynde.  
> Anne teaches 8th grade at a school in Charlottetown and waits tables at a local diner on the weekends, because teachers salaries suck and that is completely unfair.  
> Gilbert is in his last year of medical school at U of T, and is hoping to gain a residency at a hospital a bit closer to home.
> 
> So essentially this is a filler chapter because while nothing that happens in this chapter is particularly necessary, to their storyline, when I first wrote this chapter 8 years ago, it was one I put a lot of effort in and the parts I left in (specifically the Roy stuff) is semi-based off a true story, and I wanted to use it. So I apologize if it's clunky and a bit out of character, but I hope you like it anyway. 
> 
> I'm working on the next chapter as well and hopefully will have it posted by tonight. We'll get into the mature stuff and hopefully it will feel a little more in character than this chapter.
> 
> Also I based the song Moody sings for Anne off of a real song a friend of mine wrote that is still one of my favourites to this day. Here is the link if you'd like to check it out.   
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2iBQYPjOUTr3L0u6dB7HAf?si=HcJ4T_v4TOq3LithjYc-lQ
> 
> While you're at it check out their song called "Love, Lust or Losing It," which is what I named this chapter after, because it gives me a bunch of Season 3 Avonlea Class of 1899 feels. You won't regret it I promise.
> 
> Now onto the story

The air inside the pub where Moody’s band was playing was stuffy and stale. Not that Anne had been expecting anything different. What she hadn’t been expecting was all of her friends from school showing up at said pub to surprise her.

“How’d you even know we’d be here?” Anne shrieked as Diana hugged her swaying them on the spot.

“Gilbert told Moody, Moody told Ruby—”

“And I called EVERYBODY!” Ruby finished for Diana, wrapping her arms around the pair of them and squeezing until Anne was finding it hard to breathe.

Remarkably, Ruby and Diana had managed to secure them several long tables near the back of the venue, and were busy ordering food and drinks for the table by the time Tillie, Jane, Cole, and Charlie had showed up. After giving cursory greetings, Anne already felt like she needed a breather. She grabbed Gilbert’s arm and nodded towards the door. He smiled and followed her outside.

“Did you really do all of this?” she asked once they were safely outside.

Gilbert’s hand instinctively went to his hair, his go-to defense when he wasn’t sure what direction a conversation with Anne would take.

“I mean, I uh—I told Moody that I was bringing you with me and… I may have mentioned that maybe we should try and do something special for your birthday, but then Ruby organized the rest I swear.”

He watched Anne carefully, waiting to see what her reaction to this information would be. “Should I not have? Because we can totally leave now if that’s what you want.”

Anne leaned back against the wall and inhaled the cold March air. “Don’t get me wrong, it was really sweet of you and Ruby—”

“Mostly Ruby”

“Mostly Ruby,” Anne amended. “And I’m really flattered,”

“But?”

Anne took a deep breath and let it go slowly. “It’s a little overwhelming? Obviously, I’m happy, and I don’t want to leave, I just…didn’t expect everyone to be here. Not for me.”

“Anne-girl, when are you going to realize that people love you?” Gilbert grasped her hand. When she didn’t pull away, he held it between his own. “I’ll tell you what: if any of this gets to be too much for you tonight, just say the word and we will leave.”

Anne smiled and rested her head against his shoulder. Gilbert’s heart gave a queer thump at the contact, but he made no effort for Anne to leave her current position.

“I’ll hold you to that, Gilbert Blythe,” Anne lifted her head, but made no move to untangle their hands. “But we should go back inside. I’m starving, and if we stay out here any longer, Diana will send out a search party.”

* * *

“Don’t look now Anne, but Roy Gardner is looking at you.”

Anne groaned and surreptitiously glanced over her shoulder to where Cole was pointing. Sure enough, Roy Gardner was looking over at their table and waved at Anne. Anne did her best to smile and wave back, hoping that her face was pleasant enough to fool him.

“Ughhh, why didn’t you tell me they were playing tonight too?” she whined.

“Sorry, Anne,” said Moody chagrined. “They were a last minute addition.”

“Did I miss something?” Gilbert asked looking between Anne’s distraught face and the man who was smirking at her.

“That’s kind of a long story,” said Cole.

“And what a story it is!” giggled Tillie.

“There’s no story!” Anne said, her cheeks a little pink. “Only regret, and a serious error in my judgement.”

“Well now I’m dying to know.”

Anne took a long pull of her drink. Maybe it was helping to loosen her tongue, or maybe what had happened just didn’t mean as much to her as it once did; whatever the reason, Anne swallowed her drink and began.

“There honestly isn’t that much to tell. We met a few years back at another show like this one, and I was really into his music. So I went up to talk to him after the show—and yes, I’d been drinking—and well one thing led to another and we hooked up.”

Gilbert stared at Anne dumbfounded. He knew Anne wasn’t some innocent damsel, and it her sexual experience wasn’t any of his business anyhow. But to hear her speak of it with such nonchalance had thrown him for a loop. He wanted both to hear every detail, and yet nothing at all. And more than anything he wanted to get up and punch Roy Gardner in his perfect nose.

“But it didn’t stop there,” Cole added, ignoring the look of utter betrayal Anne was giving him. “We all ran in a similar circle because of school and things, and they ended up meeting again at yet another show, and lo and behold: they hooked up again.”

Anne glared daggers at Cole. “Please stop making me sound like a groupie. We’d also had a couple of classes together and worked on a couple projects.” She rolled her eyes, professing with every fiber in her being that it wasn’t as big of a deal as her friends made it out to be.

“He was kind, and funny, and it definitely didn’t hurt that he’s like exactly my type: right down to that almost broody shyness.”

Gilbert snorted. The guy he was looking at, the one shaking hands and hugging people looked didn’t look shy by any stretch of the imagination. If anything he looked overly confident. Gilbert felt heat creeping up the back of his neck, and took a long sip of his drink in hopes to quell it.

“—And after he left school to ‘pursue his musical dreams’—no offense Moody—we kind of had this standing deal that if either one of us was in town we would try to get together and…hook up. His band was gaining a pretty decent following, you know outside of the local area, so half the time that we would see each other would be like eighteen months apart, minimum. You can’t even call that a relationship, because in those in-between times, we didn’t even speak to each other; not even a text! The last time we were together—if you could even call it that—he asked me if I wanted to be exclusive, and I foolishly believed that he was asking if I wanted to be his girlfriend.”

“That wasn’t what he was asking?” Tillie was almost leaning over the table to stare at Anne, her eyes wide and hanging on Anne's every word.

“You’d think so, right? But no. See he wanted me to be exclusive to him, but could not—or would not offer me the same courtesy.”

“You’re kidding!”

It took all of Gilbert’s will power not to stand up and tackle Roy Gardner to the ground. How dare he lead her on like she was nothing more than his plaything? Gilbert had met some awful men in his lifetime, but to make Anne believe he was a good guy, only to do something like this? Anne deserved someone who would treat her like the treasure she was; someone who would appreciate her beautiful mind and spirit. Someone who would love her as deeply as Gilbert knew she could love others.

“—Anyway, I told him that was immature and selfish, and you should have seen the way he reacted. It’ was like he was under the impression that I thought I couldn’t do better. And after that, it was like everything about him that I found attractive was just not that attractive anymore.”

“Oh come on, Anne,” said Jane. “You mean to tell me you don’t find him attractive at all?”

Anne looked in Jane’s direction, but did not respond. Instead she focused her attention onto Gilbert.

“Promise me, Gil,” Anne pleaded, hands clasped in his, “No matter how drunk I get tonight, you won’t let me be alone with him.”

“Well how can I do that if I’m drunk too?” asked Gilbert. “We agreed that neither of us had to stay sober tonight.”

“Fair point. Diana: promise me that no matter how drunk we get tonight, you will not let Gilbert let me be alone with Roy Gardner.”

Diana rolled her eyes and agreed, but not without complaining about being the deemed the sober sister.

“Next time we go out, Anne, I’m the one getting shitfaced drunk, and you’re the one who’s going to be keeping me from making stupid decisions.” She said pointing at Anne.

Anne grinned and polished off what was left of her drink. “Dearest Diana, you have never made a stupid decision in your life, thus rendering my help in such matters redundant.”

She stood and extended her hand to Gilbert. “C’mon, Gilbert Blythe, let’s go make stupid decisions.”

He did not have to be told twice.

* * *

“So a few years ago, I wrote a song for my amazing wife Ruby,” Moody smiled to a beaming Ruby who was standing to the side of the stage. “But what most of you don’t know, is that a great friend of mine—one who I would say was instrumental in getting Rub and me together, pun very much intended—loves this song, and it just so happens that she is here tonight and it is her birthday.”

Anne gasped. “Yaaaaaas! Moody Spurgeon, Fuck me up!”

Gilbert choked on his drink and stared at Anne in bemused wonder. “Excuse me?”

“I fucking LOVE this song!”

From the other side of Gilbert, someone hollered, “Same!”

Anne laughed and pointed in the general direction of the voice. “Yeeeeah! You felt that, didn’t you?”

Gilbert laughed and shook his head.

“So just for tonight, this song is on loan to my dear friend, Anne Shirley. Happy Birthday Anne.”

As Moody and his band played a captivating tune, Gilbert watched as Anne lost herself in the song. It wasn’t the most graceful of dances; in fact it could more accurately described as her jumping and flailing her limbs as she sang along to every word at the top of her lungs. For the first time all night, the light seemed to have returned to her eyes; and it made Gilbert want to spend every second he had to keep her this happy. He had to hand it to Moody: it was a good song. He could see how it had gotten Ruby to agree to marry him, and equally why Anne loved it so much.

Without warning, Anne grabbed his hand, and Gilbert tried to ignore the shock of electricity that went through him. Instead he used their twined hands to pull her towards him, his other hand coming to rest on her hip. This wasn’t the type of music for this particular type of dancing, but if anyone were to tell the two of them at that particular moment, neither would have cared in the slightest.

If anyone were to ask Anne about it later, she would have blamed all of her actions on the alcohol she’d consumed. But it wasn’t the alcohol that made her pull Gilbert closer and move discordantly with the music. It wasn’t the alcohol that kept them dancing long after Moody and his band had left the stage. And it definitely wasn’t the alcohol that had her pulling Gilbert out into the alley behind the pub.

“I want to keep dancing.” She said.

Gilbert broke his hold on her hip just long enough to pull out his phone and turn on some music, blasting it out of his speakers. He took up his position again and sighed contentedly when Anne rested her head against his shoulder. They spun and swayed to the music from his phone, paying no attention to the cold, the sounds of the city or the smells coming from the dumpsters just a few yards from them. It wasn’t the most romantic location by any means, but it didn’t matter. She was Anne and he was Gilbert and they were dancing.

They were still dancing thirty minutes later when Diana herded them into her car to take them back to Charlottetown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. I'll hopefully have the next chapter up tonight, it's almost finished!
> 
> Please be kind in the comments.


	3. Say You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this story earns its M rating
> 
> CW: Descriptive sexual content. If that's not your thing you may want to skip the second half of this chapter.
> 
> Also mentions of vomit and vomiting at the beginning of the chapter. If that bugs you, Skip about the first 6 paragraphs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised this chapter last night, but I ended up with a massive migraine and just generally felt like trash all day, so here's the new chapter, I know this is what y'all have really been waiting for. I hope you enjoy Anne and Gilbert in this chapter as much as Anne and Gilbert did, because this is the beginning of the angst, and if you've read my tags, YOU KNOW what's coming.
> 
> Hope you like it.

Anne didn’t throw up in the backseat of Diana’s car as they drove from the pub to the ferry station. She didn’t throw up during the entirety of the ferry journey back from the mainland. She didn’t even throw up on the shaky Sky Train journey from the port of Charlottetown to the university district where her condo was located. No, if there was one thing Anne prided herself on, it was the fact that she had never thrown up in public, and that was not about to change now. She managed to get up her stairs, unlock her door and let Gilbert in all before her stomach betrayed her and had her running to the toilet.

Anne retched, releasing the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl below. The tile was cool under her knees and she braced herself with her elbows on either side of the bowl.

After a few minutes of torment she felt a pair of hands that were not her own gathering her hair and holding it away from her face.

“You’re a good friend, Gil,” she moaned into the bowl.

“I’m the best friend ever, Anne-girl; don’t ever forget that.”

“You really are, and I love you for it.” She hurled one last time, “Okay I think I’m done now.”

Gilbert nodded, completely ignoring the way his heart thumped wildly in his chest when she had said she loved him. “I’ll go make you some tea.”

“Ginger?” she asked.

“With honey, just like you like it,” Gilbert patted her head and exited.

Anne got up and brushed her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw that her makeup was smeared down her face and her hair was sticking out in every direction. Not that it should matter to Gilbert—it never had before, but Anne suddenly felt the desire to make herself more presentable; she bushed her hair back into a messy bun and swiped makeup remover around her eyes. As she was scrubbing her face clean, Gilbert came back into the bathroom.

“Your tea is almost ready,” he said staring at her through the mirror, “and I uh—brought you your pajamas.”

Anne examined the camisole and shorts he had set down on the counter.

“Drunk girl chic?” She teased, “But comfortable, you know me well.”

“I’ve had years of experience.” He replied simply. He was not ready to confess that even after years of friendship including but not limited to other appearances of Drunk Anne, that Gilbert had always paid extra attention to Anne. He knew her likes and dislikes, how she took her tea (always tea, never coffee), and that when choosing an outfit she always chose comfort and function over style. But he could not tell her these things, not without her thinking him a creep.

But that was not what she did.

“Fair enough.” Anne pulled off the lacey green top she had been wearing to go out and replaced it with the camisole.

Gilbert’s eyes widened at the sight of Anne’s temporarily bared breasts. He’d seen her in a swimsuit before, and would complement himself on being well-versed on the female form, but not for the first time—not even the first time that night—the sight of Anne caused his pulse to quicken. Did she realize he was still there and had seen her? Did she care about the intimate situation she had put them in? He breathed a tiny sigh of relief as she tugged the camisole down over her body.

“I’ll uh-I’ll go fix your tea then.” Gilbert left the bathroom and walked back to the kitchen. He took the cozy off the tea kettle and poured out two mugs. Then he added a couple spoonfuls of honey to each mug and stirred trying to keep his mind as far from Anne’s breasts as possible; it wasn’t working out too well.

“You’re an angel, Gil.” The sound of Anne’s voice at his shoulder made him jump. Anne giggled at his reaction and rubbed his shoulders.

“You better believe it.” He replied, handing her a mug of tea.

Anne took the mug in both hands and padded into her living room. Setting the tea down on the coffee table, she curled herself up on the sofa and turned on the television.

“Ooh!” she exclaimed, “Gil! I forgot I bought the new _Little Women_ as a birthday gift to myself. Let’s watch it.

“But we saw it in theatres three times. And we’ve watched the original so many times we could probably quote it verbatim.” Gilbert complained.

“Are you really going to deprive me of a chance to watch Saoirse Ronan and Timothee Chalamet on my birthday, Gilbert Blythe?”

“We could watch something else—”

“I could also point out that I was also recently ill, and I would think it your job—nay your duty as an aspiring physician to accommodate me during my convalescence.”

Gilbert laughed and shook his head; there was no point in trying to protest with her, so he gave in and curled up beside her on the sofa. Anne squealed in delight and switched on the movie. Every now and then one of them would sit up to take a sip of tea, and then they would lie back down.

After a while Anne shifted on the sofa so she was leaning against Gilbert, setting every single one his nerve endings on alert. Looking to Anne for her approval, he wrapped his inside arm around her and cuddled her close to him. Emboldened by her acceptance of his arm around her, Gilbert took the elastic out of Anne’s hair and ran his fingers through it, the fiery locks slipping through his fingers as soft as silk. With every pass of his hand he would catch a whiff of her shampoo: apples, with a hint of daffodil, it smelled fresh and clean without being too sweet. It reminded him of everything he missed about home when he was away in Toronto. As much as he loved his life in the big city, there was something to be said about coming home and everything fitting together like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Anne snuggled in closer to him, the warmth of his body better than the coziest blanket. She was astonished at how at home she felt in the comfort of his arms. From the moment they had started dancing that night, she had felt drawn to Gilbert like a magnet. For the first time since Matthew’s death, she had felt happy. Surely the butterflies in her stomach had everything to do with that, and nothing else. The touch of Gilbert’s hand running through her hair was so soothing and Anne could feel her eyelids getting heavy. Not quite ready to fall asleep she sat up, gulped down the last few dregs of her tea, and playfully beaned Gilbert with a throw pillow.

“Oh, that’s how it’s going to be, is it?” Gilbert asked, rising to his feet.

He was smirking at her, that devilish smile Anne loved. In reply, Anne reached out and smacked him just below his navel.

“Oh you’re asking for it now, Carrots.” With one arm, Gilbert scooped Anne up off the sofa and onto the floor. Pinning her arms with one hand he straddled her body and tickled her sides.

Anne squirmed and struggled under Gilbert’s weight, trying to escape any more tickling.

“Say uncle,” Gilbert commanded.

Anne stared up at Gilbert looking so smug and confident. In a bold move, she slid her leg up so her knee was bent and gently tapped it against Gilbert’s backside. Then she looked up at him and not so subtly licked her lips. It distracted Gilbert enough that he moved the hand that was pinning her arms down, giving Anne ample opportunity to grab Gilbert’s shoulders and roll them over so now she was the one on top.

Gilbert cried out in protest as Anne pinned him down. “I surrender!” He yelled.

“I haven’t even done anything yet, you wimp!” Anne grinned down at her best friend. It was the split second Gilbert needed to grab her arms at the elbows and knock her down on top of him. They lay there for a moment laughing and hugging until as quick as a blink one pair of lips brushed against the others.

Neither was sure who initiated the first kiss but as they lay on the floor staring at each other in shock, the more it seemed as natural as breathing air. That magnetic pull Anne had felt while dancing with him was back, and the butterflies in her stomach had multiplied by a thousand. She stared into those hazel eyes she knew so well and felt something spreading through her body like wildfire. Her entire body sparked with electricity.

“We’d be amazing.” She thought out loud.

For what felt like the first time in his life, Gilbert could not form a response. Here he was, lying on the floor with his best friend— who happened to be drop dead gorgeous—on top of him; her breasts pressed firmly against his chest and the graceful curve of her ass resting at the waistband of his jeans, causing his nether regions to twitch in anticipation. In all the years since he had hit puberty, all the times he had fantasized what being with her might be like, never before had he felt this hot for her. Any logical thought in his brain telling him that this could possibly be a bad idea were keeping their silence. Placing one hand on her neck, he pulled her down and crushed her lips to his.

Anne marveled at the feel of Gilbert’s lips. They were softer than she imagined, full, pink, and perfect. And just the right amount of moisture. In fact…

“Did you use my lip balm?” she asked, breaking the kiss just long enough to get the question out.

“It smells really good.” Gilbert replied into her lips, making absolutely no effort to keep the dopey grin off of his face. “Tastes even better.”

Anne broke the kiss a second time. She looked down at Gilbert with an expression that was both amused and slightly annoyed. “Gil, that stuff’s expensive!”

“I’ll buy you another tube,” He assured her, “now shut up and kiss me.”

Anne chuckled and placed her hands on either side of his face. She nibbled on his lower lip, feeling a smile creep to the corners of his mouth.

Gilbert replaced his hand on the back of Anne’s neck and pulled her even closer. He ran his tongue along the seam of her lips, begging for entrance. She obliged and soon their tongues were dancing along each other, exploring the unchartered territory of the other’s mouth.

With his free hand, Gilbert inched the fabric of Anne’s camisole up her to just below her breasts. His long fingers roamed the skin of her back and abdomen and traced the freckles on her right hip, mapping out the constellations he found there. He trailed up from her hips and snaked his fingers under the elastic of her camisole, the rough pads of his fingertips teasing the sensitive flesh on the underside of her breasts before reaching up and rubbing over her nipples.

At the touch of his fingers, a long sigh escaped from Anne’s lips. Reciprocating his ministrations, she pushed his shirt up to his armpits, raking her nails down the flat planes of his abs. She teased the sensitive area along the waistband of his jeans, causing Gilbert to groan in pleasure.

Gilbert placed his hands over Anne’s and guided them to his belt, the bulge in his pants growing to the point where it was almost painful.

“Are we going to do this?” he rasped. _Please_ he prayed _please say we’re going to do this._

Anne smiled and hooked her fingers through his belt loops, tugging softly. Gilbert whined at the contact so close to his fly.

“Not here.” She replied softly. “My bed.” She stood up and walked to her bedroom, stripping off her camisole as she went.

Gilbert bounded up and followed Anne’s retreating back into her bedroom. Ripping his shirt over his head, he grabbed Anne around the waist and tossed her on the bed. He took a moment to drink in the sight of the woman before him. How could anyone this beautiful possibly be real? When they were younger Gilbert often thought that perhaps Anne wasn’t real at all; that she had just formed out of the mist in the woods of Avonlea, a fae queen whom he was made to love.

He kissed down from her lips to her neck, collarbone, and then to her breasts. He kissed over the swell of one breast before taking it into his mouth. His tongue laved over the soft skin while his teeth grazed her nipple. Anne hissed at the contact.

Gilbert stopped his movements and looked up at Anne’s face. “Did I—”

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop!” Anne begged.

Gilbert obliged. Anne moaned as his hot tongue made its way down her abdomen—dipping into her navel—and trailing down to the waistband of her shorts, nipped at the skin along her hip bones, leaving matching love bites on either side.

“Enough with the foreplay—foreplay,” she whined. She took Gilbert’s hands and placed them on her hips, wrapping his fingers around the elastic of her shorts.

Gilbert chucked at Anne’s impatience. He placed a kiss just above her waistline, grabbing the elastic between his teeth. He dragged her shorts down as slow as humanly possible.

“Oh get on with it for fuck’s sake!” Anne cried, causing Gilbert to stop and stare at her, not used to hearing her swear. She pushed at his hands to pull her shorts down faster, “I’m serious, I’ll start without you.”

“Oh really?” Gilbert laughed, “I think I’d like to see that.” He paused, long enough to measure Anne’s reaction, and then pushed her shorts down to her ankles. He spread her legs and kissed up each thigh before running his tongue across her folds. He licked and sucked on her clit while his long fingers teased at her opening before sliding inside.

Anne whimpered and arched her back at the touch of Gilbert’s mouth and fingers. She twined her fingers into his hair and held his head to the place she wanted him most.

“Oh God.” She gasped at another flick of his tongue. He was a goddamn wizard. Never in her life had she been brought this close this quickly. She could feel the tingling warmth spreading from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes, sending tremors through her limbs.

Gilbert looked up to see Anne’s face and body flushed a deep red, and felt a thrill jolt through his own body knowing that he had made her that way. With one final lick, he left from between her legs and worked his way back up to her lips. He peppered her face with kisses while his hands fumbled to free himself from the confines of his pants.

“Hey” Anne complained into his lips, “You’re taking all of my fun.”

She took a hold of his belt, pushing and pulling until it fell open. She sat up and shimmied Gilbert’s jeans and boxers down to the floor where he promptly kicked them off. She had to take the time to stop and admire the sheer sight of his naked body. He really was a marvel: the flat planes of his abs, the perfect v where his hips met his legs, and there was no point in discounting the size of his dick, which was now curled up against his stomach.

“Nice,” she said simply.

Gilbert replied with a subtle raise of his eyebrows. Anne smirked and ran her nails down his chest, leaving red welts, and then wrapped her hand around his shaft. She worked the length while placing chaste kisses on his chest and stomach. Gilbert dipped his head down to capture Anne’s lips. 

“Are you ready,” he asked, running the pad of his thumb across her cheek.

Anne looked up at him and smiled. “Let’s do it then.”

Gilbert grinned and tossed Anne back against the pillows. He took just a moment longer to put a condom on, then climbed onto the bed and worked his way up to the headboard until he was hovering over her. He placed his hands on either side of her shoulders, supporting his weight above her. 

“You’re lovely,” he whispered running his length along her outer lips.

“And you’re stalling.” she shot back.

He chuckled and kissed her mouth using that moment to push inside her just a little. Anne let out a sound between a moan and a cry into Gilbert’s mouth. Gilbert broke the kiss and examined her face.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked nervously.

“I’m fine,” Anne breathed. “Just keep going, slowly.”

“Oh now you want me to go slow.” He teased

Anne groaned and grabbed the back of Gilbert’s neck, drawing him down to her. “Shut up and fuck me already.”

Gilbert rebalanced himself above Anne and eased himself in as slowly as his self-control would allow. Once he was in all the way he paused so she could adjust to having all of him inside of her. Within a few minutes Anne was rocking her hips, urging Gilbert to move. He pulled out halfway and thrust back in, finding a rhythm that suited them both. Every rock of his hips incited a mixture of moans and profanities from Anne’s lips. She buried her face in his neck, nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin there, intent on marking him.

The feel of Anne’s hot breath fanning out against his neck caused Gilbert to growl low in his throat; he could feel that familiar pull starting behind his navel, his hair plastering to his forehead and neck. He increased the tempo of his thrusts and used his thumb to massage her clit, determined to get Anne to finish first.

Anne yelped and threw her head back against the pillow, her fingers clawing at the sheets.

“Holy-shit-Gil,” she moaned between thrusts, “oh my God—fan-tas-tic!”

Gilbert smiled and kissed her forehead, increasing his tempo with his hands and hips. Fuck, he was so close, if he could just get her there first.

Anne felt that all too familiar electricity running through her body again, sweat pooled between her breasts and at the hollow of her throat; her vision blurred, she wrapped her legs around Gilbert’s waist to pull him in as far as he could go. Knowing she was close, she lifted herself up off the bed and wrapped her arms around his neck, sinking her teeth into his shoulder. She screamed into his skin as she exploded in waves of pleasure, every inch of her body tingling.

Gilbert’s thrusts were becoming more sporadic, his breathing uneven and shallow. Anne’s screams were just enough to send him over the edge. His eyes fluttered closed and a smile played at the corners of his mouth. He lifted her face to his and captured her lips.

“I love you,” he said, and with one final push, Gilbert spilled himself inside of her.

They laid in bed panting as their bodies calmed down. Anne curled herself into Gilbert’s chest, not worried about being sweaty or how she was going to need to change her sheets before they went to sleep. She could hear Gilbert’s words ringing in her ears over and over again. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

She didn’t know if he meant it, or even if she cared if he didn’t mean it. In the last few hours she had felt happier and more content with Gilbert than she had felt in months. She snuggled in closer to him and smiled as she felt his arms tighten around her.

Gilbert stared at the woman in his arms. Anne fit with him like an extension of his body, and now having experienced her body in full, there really was no body like hers. It may have been the heat of the moment that had caused him to utter the words, but it didn’t change the fact that he did love Anne, and had for a very long time. And realizing it just made him want to say it to her again and again until she believed it or told him to stop.

They laid cuddled up together for a little while longer before Anne gave in to the need to clean herself up. She danced to the bathroom, collecting her clothes as she went. She looked back over her shoulder to where Gilbert was watching her from the bed.

“I’m going to take a shower, do you mind pulling the sheets off the bed? There’s a spare set in the closet.”

Gilbert looked at her with one eyebrow raised. “Any chance I could join you?”

Anne laughed and rolled her eyes at him. “Get in here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS, I have absolutely no idea whether or not PEI even has a Sky Train, I am just basing it off of the area around Vancouver where I lived for uni. God I miss Canada.


	4. Walk Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne gets some news. And learns some German.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right folks, I know it has been AGES since I've updated this story, but since this particular chapter didn't exist in my original, it took me some time to get it right. But before we begin I want to say thank you to everyone who has read, kudos-ed, or commented on my story. You guys are the reason I continue to post to this site. 
> 
> I hope that my updates will not be this prolonged, but I can make no guarantees as of right now, to say that the state of the world hasn't taken a toll on my mental health would be a bold faced lie. I will try to post as often as I am able.
> 
> On the subject of this chapter: I added some German into this chapter, and provided the translations for you within the chapter in order to make reading easier. That being said, my knowledge of the German language only extends so far, and I did seek the help of a couple translation apps to get what I didn't know, although conjugations change the meanings of certain things I've found. That being said, if I offend any of you native German speakers out there, I am so sorry that was not my intent. 
> 
> Thanks to orayofsunshine for pre-reading this chapter for me. 
> 
> And now on with the show. Enjoy!

**March 6, 2020 8:00 am**

**Anne:** I had to go to work, sorry I couldn’t wake up with you. =) Help yourself to anything in the fridge.

**March 6, 2020 8:45 am**

**Gilbert:** No worries. I actually just got home anyway. Don’t forget: hydrate or die.

 **Anne:** Yes, Doctor Blythe.

Gilbert was still grinning at his phone when he opened the door into his kitchen and found Bash and Elijah sitting at the kitchen table staring at him expectantly.

“Good morning?” asked Gilbert.

“Pay up.”

Gilbert stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched as Elijah pulled a Five out of his wallet and slid it across the table to Bash. He wore an amused smile on his face despite the fact that he’d clearly lost whatever they’d been betting on.

“Well now I’m intrigued,” said Gilbert,closing the door and joining them at the table. “What exactly was that?” 

“Well when someone didn’t come home last night, I bet Bash that there was no way the reason was because you finally manned up and spent the night with Anne. No, you probably just slept off whatever you drank on a friend’s sofa.” 

Gilbert, knowing exactly he spent the night before, raised his eyebrows at his housemates. “Oh I see, and exactly how long have you two been betting on my sex life?” 

“On your sex life? Not long.Your lack of a sex life? A bit longer. But I’ve been betting on you and Anne since the moment we met.” 

Bash winked and passed Gilbert a bowl of scrambled eggs, which he scooped greedily onto his plate. Thankfully he was not as hungover as he could have been, but his hunger was winning out over his desire to seem nonchalant about his whereabouts.

“And what brought you to your conclusion? That I didn’t just sleep it off at a friend’s?”

“That part was easy.” Elijah took a sip of coffee and pointed at Gilbert’s sweater. “You’re wearing last night’s clothes. If you’d stayed with a friend, you would have borrowed clothes. So we know you didn’t crash with a guy friend. 

“You also smell like apples and wildflowers; a distinct perfume worn by only one girl on this entire island. In conclusion: you’re sporting a walk of shame outfit, my friend. And yet there’s nothing on your face that says that you are ashamed of anything.” 

“That’s putting it lightly.” Said Bash. “That dopey smile on your face tells me everything I need to know, Blythe. There’s only one thing that could make you smile like that.” 

Gilbert tried to hide his face by shovelling eggs into his mouth. Then he remembered how it had felt to wake up with Anne in his arms, her head on his chest, and her legs tangled with his, and suddenly his happiness could no longer be contained within his mortal frame. He pressed his lips together in hopes of stifling the smile that was splitting his face. Hazel could probably fry the eggs with the heat coming off of his cheeks. And if Gilbert was honest with himself, he did not give a single fuck about the teasing he knew was sure to follow.

“I knew it! I knew it, and that means I win!” Bash shouted holding his hands aloft. He stood up from the table and began dancing around the kitchen. “I knew from day one! You love her! You love her and I WIN!” 

Normally, Gilbert would have rolled his eyes at Bash’s overt expression of glee, and at least tried to shut him up, but his mood couldn’t be dampened by a little dancing. He hoped that if he let Bash continue in this manner for a bit, eventually he would tire himself out. 

“Wow, I’ve never seen you let him go this long before.”

“What can I say? I had a good night.”

Elijah chuckled and clapped Gilbert on the back. “That’s great, man. I’m proud of you.”

“Well I don’t know if you should be proud of me,” Gilbert admitted. “I might have done something stupid.”

Elijah’s face sobered. “How stupid are we talking? Premature fire stupid?”

“No, that was... thankfully on time, but--” Gilbert reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “I--uh may have told her I loved her. Y’know, _then._ ”

“Oh you poor bastard.” Elijah laughed and then covered his mouth, instantly contrite. “Have you figured out what you’re going to do about it?”

“Well part of me hopes she didn’t notice, but... knowing Anne I’m sure she didn’t. So I guess I’m just going to follow her lead on this.”

  
  


**March 6, 2020 7:30pm**

**Gilbert:** Can we talk about last night?

 **Anne:** 10/10 would do again.

 **Gilbert:** Seriously?

 **Anne:** Well I mean I enjoyed myself. And it seemed like you did too...

 **Gilbert:** No I did! I definitely did.

 **Gilbert:** About what I said though--

 **Anne:** It’s okay if you didn’t mean it.

 **Anne:** I know it’s basically a cliche for guys to say that when they [eggplant emoji] [water drops emoji]. 

**Anne:** the body is releasing dopamine and oxytocin

 **Anne:** I mean YOU know that. You must know that, wanting to be a doctor and all

 **Anne:** I guess what I’m trying to say is that we can forget about it if that’s what you want.

 **Gilbert:**...

 **Anne:** Sorry I have to run! Darcy just threw up on the carpet.

 **Gilbert:** Oh no! I hope he feels better.

 **Anne:** He probably just ate too fast again. Thanks though.

**March 7, 12:15pm**

**Anne:** I need you to come over after work.

 **Diana:** Kids being hellions again?

 **Anne** : No. Well… yes, but something happened Saturday night and I NEED to talk to you about it in person. 

**Diana:** [shock] Do you mean to tell me you finally let Gilbert do a little Blitzkrieg mit dem fleischgewehr?

 **Anne:** I just had to google what that meant, and you’re disgusting. 

**Anne:** You better hope the school doesn’t monitor my browsing history.

 **Anne:** make sure you and Cole are at my house by 5:00. If I’m not there already, use the key under the mint plant. 

**Diana:** That’s not a no!

 **Anne:** Read at 12:20pm

“I think I’ll need to sit down for this moment.” Cole announced once he, Anne, and Diana were all gathered around the coffee table in Anne’s living room. He pulled a bottle of wine out of his bag and uncorked it, making Anne wonder if he always carried around a corkscrew on his person, or if he just knew Anne would need fortification. He passed the bottle to Anne first who took a small swig, and then to Diana before tipping back himself.

“So,” he said, lips pulling off the bottle with a smack. “You and Gilbert finally did the ole’ horizontal hokey pokey?”

Anne cringed. “Why is that both of your first assumptions? And there’s got to be a better way to say it than the ‘horizontal hokey pokey’ or whatever it is you sent me earlier.”

“ _Blitzkrieg mit dem fleischgewehr_.” Diana said in flawless German. “It means--”

“I know what it means!” Said Anne hastily. “I don’t need you to translate.” 

“ _Ahhh Blitzkrieg mit dem fleischgewehr_ ,” said Cole, sounding like Sigmund Freud’s bastard brother, “ _Also denken wir, dass sie gelegt wird_?”

[Translation: Ahhh, attack with the meat rifle. So we think she’s getting laid?]

“ _Oh das ist sie definitiv. Sie wäre sonst nicht so nervös._ ”

[Translation: Oh she definitely is. She wouldn’t be so nervous otherwise.]

“Guys c’mon,” Anne whined, “you know I have no idea what you’re saying! Can we just get to the reason why you’re here?”

“ _Shau, wie sie rot wird! Er ist fast kostbar, findest su nicht? Er muss ihre Welt erschüttert haben.”_

[Translation: Look how she blushes! It’s almost precious, don’t you think? He must have rocked her world.]

Diana shook her head. _“Könnte sein, aber wenn sie diese beiden kennen, Sind sie wahrscheinlich Dummköpfe._ ”

[Translation: Maybe. Knowing those two, they’re probably being dumbasses about it.]

She waited for them to finish laughing while she nursed at the wine bottle. Normally she couldn’t stand red wine, but she was barely concerned about the taste and focused more on her need to not be in her head. 

She had barely made it through the school day. She’d tried her hardest to teach her students about how Romeo and Juliet is less of a tragical romance and more of a cautionary tale of teenage hormones, but she’d barely made it through reading the balcony scene before her thoughts were filled with images of Gilbert’s lips on her neck, her jaw, leaving marks between her breasts, on her hips, between her legs. 

Blessedly, the bell had rung for lunch before Anne had completely made herself over in the image of a beetroot. She dismissed her class and had hastily sent a text to Diana demanding they meet. Every time she tried to get her thoughts on track the remainder of the day, Gilbert’s eyes or smile would flash into her mind and leave her completely disarmed. 

“Are you done?” Anne asked before taking another long pull of the bottle. She grimaced. “Because I’d really like my two best friends to shut up and listen to me.”

Diana giggled and wrapped her best bosom friend into a hug. “Yes, Anne, we’re done. Now tell us why we’re here.” 

Cole nodded and hugged the pair from the opposite side, sandwiching Anne in the middle. He tucked Anne’s head under his chin and laid his cheek against her hair. “Please continue Anne.” 

Anne took a few deep breaths. She enjoyed being held by her two best friends, letting them wrap her up in their arms and soaking in the comfort of their embrace. She had spent most of her life before Avonlea longing for any kind of gentle or loving touch that having people in her life now who gave them freely still never failed to surprise her. 

“So in case you weren’t keeping up… I had sex with Gilbert last weekend.” 

“We know.” They said in unison. 

“I know you know.”

“Are you okay?” Asked Diana

“How was it?” Asked Cole.

Anne sighed. She didn’t know how to answer. If she had been asked Sunday morning, she would have said she was wonderful, perfectly effervescent with happiness. Then came The most Awkward text conversation in the history of text conversations, and now Anne felt like she was skydiving without a parachute. Gilbert had been the one to seek her out wanting to talk and then had left her to do all the talking. Now she was no closer to knowing how he felt about her than she had been that night. And Gilbert had so far been radio silent. 

“I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do at this point. With Roy I was cool with the whole ghosting after sex thing, because I didn’t really want or expect anything out of him. It’s different with Gilbert though. We’re friends, and I don’t want that to change just because—“

“You two made it to the bone zone?” 

Anne gave Cole a look of disgust. “Are you just making these up as you go?”

Cole cackled and pulled out his phone, breaking apart from the cuddle puddle, “No, I googled them, and I found a whole list. Like this one: ‘Praying with knees upward,’” He looked up and then shook his head seeing the look of horror on Anne and Diana’s faces, “Nope! Okay we’ve got—oh wait no, that one’s gross, oh here we go ‘sharpening the pencil.’ A couple of nerds like you and Gilbert could appreciate that one.” 

“Well I wouldn’t call it a pencil,”Anne snorted and then immediately clapped her hand over her mouth. 

She watched the teasing smirks in her friends’ faces change to astonishment. Anne wished desperately she could grow more limbs so she could keep her own mouth covered while simultaneously covering both of her friends’. 

“Oh my god, I knew it!” Cole shouted, practically vibrating with glee. “That man radiates big dick energy! There was no way he wasn’t packing!”

“You’re way too happy with this information,” said Diana, giving Anne a subtle squeeze of her hand. “Trying to live vicariously, are we?”

“Nah, skinny nerds don’t do it for me like they do for Anne. Just feeling vindicated because I knew those rumours in middle school had to be true.”

Diana’s eyes widened, “You mean the ones about—” She motioned downward to her lap. 

“Oh yeah.” 

Anne groaned. “Please don’t make me regret telling this to you.” 

Cole cackled and polished off the bottle of wine, which didn’t do anything to prove that he could be trusted with this information. 

**March 10, 2020 9:00 am**

**Gilbert:** I have to head back to Toronto tomorrow, is there anyway I can see you before I leave?

**March 10, 2020 12:05 pm**

**Anne:** Sorry I’m just getting back to you. I wish I could say yes, but I have a literal mountain of essays that need to be graded. 

**Gilbert:** No worries, it was a shot in the dark anyway. 

**Anne:** I’m coming to your graduation next month though! I promise you, I will be there. I’ve already asked for the time off from work. 

**Gilbert:** Okay.

**March 23, 2020 10:30 am**

**Luna Reminder:** Your period is due! Remember to stock up!

Over the years, Anne’s life consisted of phone calls and alerts, each bringing different news that would change her life. A phone call had announced that Anne was Avonlea School’s valedictorian for the class of 2013. An email alerted Anne to her acceptance to Redmond College. Gilbert had texted her when she’d won the Avery Scholarship, which had allowed her to accelerate her course of study from five years to four. Ms. Stacy had called her after taking over as principal of the Charlottetown middle school to offer her a teaching position. A tired but caring nurse had called to tell her of Matthew’s passing, Marilla having been too distraught to be on the line. The sale of Green Gables and their farmland had occurred in a series of emails between her, the bank, and the buyers.

And when her period was late, it was her phone that had let her know. Something as simple as a reminder to buy tampons had completely upended her life. 

Anne paced back and forth in front of her bathroom sink, waiting for the tell tale chirp of the alarm on her phone. She tried to stay optimistic, but judging by the damage she had wreaked upon her cuticles, she was failing miserably at it. She wasn’t even sure why she had decided to purchase a pregnancy test. There were other things that could cause her to be late: a change in routine or stress. Nobody could say that she hasn’t been stressed. The last six months of her life had been nothing but stress. And she and Gilbert had been safe! She remembered that very clearly. Had it not been enough? Should she google the percentage of condom failure? 

Before she could even get her fingers to type it out, the alarm went off nearly causing Anne to crack the phone screen by violently dropping it to the floor,where it continued to ping letting her know the test was ready. With shaking hands, Anne picked the test stick up off the counter. She squeezed her eyes shut, unable to bring herself to even look at it. The more she tried not to look at it, the heavier it felt in her hands. How could something so small hold the potential to change her entire future? Taking a few deep breaths, Anne counted to ten, then opened her eyes. 

“Fuck.”

  
  
  
  
  



	5. I Won't Give Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne worries over how to tell Gilbert about the baby.
> 
> CW: mentions of vomit, mentions of abuse and neglect, brief mention of mild suicidal ideation.

**June 2007**

_ Anne and Gilbert are twelve years old and Josie Pye has invited everyone from their class to her home for an end of the school year party. As the sun begins its lazy descent below the horizon, the group decides to play hide and seek in the woods behind Josie’s house. Anne takes off into the woods, her bright red hair streaming behind her like a banner, and disappears in a sea of green. Gilbert immediately follows after her—Anne always knows the best hiding places—and struggles in vain to keep up. His eyes strain against the dying light as he keeps his eyes peeled for any flash of red. _

_ He’s so focused searching the bushes that he almost misses her. Then clear as a bell, he hears her voice ringing out from the treetops.  _

**_There are stories I’ve heard told, of an unfamiliar road, where the evening sun hangs gold in the skyline_ **

**_In a quiet unknown town, there is solace to be found, in the unforsaken hours of the twilight_ **

_ Her voice is clear and beautiful, it reminds Gilbert of the stream that runs between their houses, and the way the water bubbles over the rocks. Gilbert climbs up the tree, higher and higher until he sees Anne sitting on a branch near the very top of the tree. From up here,Gilbert can see all the way out to where the sea crashes against the cliffs, as the setting sun bathes it in a blanket of oranges, pinks, and golds. _

_ “Found you,” he says. _

_ Anne sticks her tongue out at him, “You’re not it so it doesn’t count.” _

_ “I know, but now we can hide together.” _

_ She doesn’t respond, but scoots over on the branch so Gilbert can sit next to her.  _

_ “What was that you were singing a minute ago?” _

_ Anne hums softly, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “It’s a song I found while I was researching Scotland. Guess what Gilbert?” _

_ Her eyes dance with unspoken excitement, and Gilbert wonders if her eyes have always been the color of sugar maple leaves in summertime. And if they have always been that colour, why hasn’t ever noticed it before?  _

_ “Matthew and Marilla finally let me look into my bio parents, and I couldn’t find much about them, but guess what I did find out, Gilbert? I found out that I. Am. SCOTTISH!”  _

_ Gilbert can’t help but smile, as Anne practically radiates delight. He squeezes Anne’s shoulder.  _

_ “That’s great Anne!” _

_ “I know! And then I was researching Scotland, and I found this song, and now I can’t stop singing it, and it’s so perfect, especially right now, with the sun hanging so low in the sky--” _

_ She sings the song again, and even if it were dark, Gilbert would know what she means because her voice paints the most vivid picture in his mind.  _

_ Before either of them can register what he has done, Gilbert leans forward and presses his mouth to Anne’s. It is less of a kiss and more two pairs of lips pushing against each other. It is over in the time it takes Anne to blink, and by then Gilbert is climbing down the tree. The only evidence of what he’s done are the tips of his ears, which are now as red as Anne’s hair, poking out through his curls on either side of his head. _

_ Anne doesn’t ask Gilbert about it after everyone has returned to Josie’s backyard, and Gilbert doesn’t bring it up. But everyone in their class can tell there is something different about the way they act around each other from this moment on though nobody can quite figure out what it is. They see how Gilbert’s gaze lingers on Anne for a little longer than is considered appropriate, and how Anne blushes if she catches him looking. Anyone who sees them knows that there is something there, even if it is not clear as to exactly what that something is. _

  
  


**_April 2012_ **

_ Anne and Gilbert are sixteen and Christine Stuart has asked Gilbert to the junior prom. Gilbert doesn’t necessarily want to go with Christine, but is too polite to refuse. Gilbert goes through the motions and plays the dutiful prom date. He rents a tux, buys a corsage, and even offers what little money he has left from his Shopper’s Drug Mart paycheque to pay for their dinners. Prom itself is nothing to write home about. Christine looks lovely in her dress, but Gilbert feels like a fish out of water all night. He is the only sophomore invited to prom and has nothing in common with Christine’s friends or their dates. He would even dare to say that the few things he has in common with Christine are nothing special, or at least not special enough that Gilbert feels like he made the right decision accepting her invitation. _

_ He drives home after dropping Christine off at her house. As he pulls into his driveway he sees Anne sitting on his porch swing with a book in her hand. She is using her foot to gently rock the swing back and forth as she reads. His headlights rest on her as he puts his truck in park and Anne looks up from her book. Her eyes are puffy, and her nose is looking more and more like a tomato. She has clearly been crying, but about what, Gilbert can’t say. _

_ “Anne! What are you doing here?” He jumps out of the truck, closing the door with a slam.  _

_ Anne sniffles as she slowly gets to her feet. “I—uh I didn’t know where else to go.” She wipes her hand under her eyes, no doubt trying to get rid of any evidence that she was crying. _

_ “That’s a lie, I know there were other places I could’ve gone, but I wanted to talk to you.”  _

_ Gilbert ignores the way his stomach flutters at her confession, choosing instead to take off his tux jacket and wrap it around her shoulders.  _

_ “What’s going on?”  _

_ Anne sniffles again and tugs the jacket closer around her. “I’m just—so fucking done with Marilla treating me like all my wants are some childish flight of fancy! She knows how hard I’ve looked for anything about my bio parents! But when I ask if I can do one of those “trace your family tree” things, all of a sudden it’s a pipe dream and too much of an inconvenience to even consider!” _

_ She covers her face in her hands and Gilbert takes this moment to put his arm around her and rub slow circles on her back.  _

_ “I just—ugh! I just want to know that it was real! That my parents didn’t just dump me off at some hospital to fend for myself. I need to know that I was loved!” _

_ “Even if they did decide to put you up for adoption, they could’ve thought they were doing what was best for you.” _

_ Anne chuckles darkly, “I think that’s a bigger fantasy than me believing that my parents died loving me. I would see some of the other kids in the group homes who would get supervised visits with their bio parents, and that was always the party line: ‘I was doing what was best for you,’ or ‘I was trying to give you a better chance.’ Everybody seems to think that putting your baby up for adoption automatically means your baby is going to get scooped up by some loving couple, or some Daddy Warbucks type, and if you’re a baby it’s even better, because everyone wants babies! Well I was a baby and nobody wanted me!” _

_ Gilbert’s heart breaks with every word that falls from Anne’s lips. He wishes he could do something, anything to prove to her that she is loved and wanted: by her adoptive parents, by her friends, by him. _

_ “Matthew and Marilla didn’t even want me at first! I was an emergency placement who ‘was only going to be staying until a suitable home was found.’” Gilbert almost laughs at Anne’s spot on impression of Marilla Cuthbert’s clipped no-nonsense tone, but manages to restrain himself. _

_ “And those of us who don’t get adopted as babies, which is most of us by the way, we’re stuck hoping that we’ll get that Daddy Warbucks or Leave it to Beaver family someday, but most of us will age out before we ever see that become a reality. Or we just get bounced from group home to group home where we’re seen as nothing more than a government paycheque. And those families who aren’t straight up abusive, are either negligent or use us for free labor. And we’re told to be grateful, because at least we’re not out on the streets, like that’s something we should be grovelling at their feet for! They expect worship level praise for doing the absolute bare minimum, knowing full well that the second we turn eighteen they are fully within their right to kick us to the curb, but foster kids are supposed to be grateful?! Tell me how that makes sense. Tell me how any parent can look at the foster system and hand their child over to it and believe that they are giving that child ‘their best chance.’ Because I’m having a fucking hard time believing it!” _

_ Gilbert says nothing, but holds Anne closer. She turns her head in and begins to sob into his chest, shattering his heart anew. He knows that her life before Avonlea was full of hardship, but to hear her unburden herself to him, revealing little secrets of that hardship, makes him wish he could take on the world in her name and slay every dragon that she ever had to face. He doesn’t know how long she stays tucked into his chest crying into his shirt, but he would stay there all night if she asks him.  _

_ Anne sits up and wipes her eyes.  _

_ “I’m such a dick,” she says, “I didn’t even ask you how your night was.” _

_ “What?” Gilbert asks, dazed.  _

_ “Prom, stupid. How was it?” _

_ “Oh,” he shrugs. Try as he might, Gilbert cannot come up with anything memorable about it. Compared to coming home and finding Anne on his doorstep, having her bear her soul to him, well there really was no comparison. “Fine I guess.” _

_ “And Christine… I mean, did you guys have a good time? Was the music good at least?” _

_ Gilbert chuckles, “It was a school dance, Anne-girl. I think the music is required to suck.” _

_ Anne laughs too, and Gilbert’s heart does that somersaulting thing it does at the sound. “You’re not doing a good sell, I expect by the time our own prom comes around we’ll be thoroughly disenchanted from the idea.” _

_ “We don’t have to go to our prom then.” Gilbert rises to his feet and offers a hand out to Anne. She takes his hand and He is twirling her around on the porch. “We can have our own party that night and we can get dressed up or be in pajamas—whatever we feel like! And we can pick the music, so it’s guaranteed not to suck.” _

_ “And no arbitrary popularity contest for King and Queen,” Anne says. She twirls into Gilbert’s waiting arms, and back out again.  _

_ “Well I don’t know if I can agree to that, since you are already a queen.” _

_ Anne smiles, “And what does that make you then?”  _

_ Gilbert kneels down before her, “whatever title my queen deigns to give me.” _

_ “Court jester! Awesome, I’ll get you one of those hats with the bells on it.”  _

_ Gilbert laughs and gets back to his feet. “As long as I don’t have to wear the matching shoes.” _

_ They dance for a while longer to the sound of early season crickets. Anne rests her head on Gilbert’s shoulder as they sway on the spot.  _

_ “There’s one thing I know for sure,” Anne says. Her voice is muffled tucked into his shoulder, but Gilbert can feel her words reverberating in his chest. “Any child of mine will not share the same fate as me. They will know from the moment they arrive that they are loved.” _

_ Gilbert’s hands shake as he wraps his arms tighter around Anne. He presses his lips into her hair and imagines what his future would look like with Anne as his wife. He’s thought about it more times than he cares to admit, but before where there were only the two of them standing side by side as equal partners in life and love, a third face has now joined them. One that has his eyes and her hair, his sense of humour and her carefree spirit. His breath catches as he realizes how much he longs for that future. He knows without a doubt that any child they had together would be loved so completely by both of them, it brings tears to his eyes to even imagine it. _

**Present Day**

“So what are you going to do?”

Anne looked up from where she was lying on the floor of Diana’s bathroom, having thrown up for what felt like the millionth time that day. She silently thanked God it was a Saturday, she had barely held it together yesterday, so much so that her students noticed her discomfort. To call it morning sickness was laughable; if Anne wanted to be more accurate she would call it every minute of every damn day sickness. She had also already gone up a full cup size and her breasts were in a constant state of either pain or arousal or both. She thought Marilla would figure it out a few nights ago, after Anne’s favourite dish had sent her hurtling towards the washroom, but luckily Anne had been able to play it off as a stomach bug, which happened to be going around at school.

Diana helped Anne into a sitting position and handed her a sucker. 

“What is this?” Anne asked, inspecting the sweet.

“Pregnancy pop, should help with the morning sickness. Ruby says they’re a lifesaver.”

“You didn’t--”

“Of course not!” said Diana, looking offended that Anne had even thought to ask. “I told her that Fred and I were trying, and she gave me some stuff.”

Anne nodded, not even ready to broach the subject of whether she and Fred were actually trying or not. Even if Diana in her role as Anne’s closest friend was using it as her cover story, Anne felt eternally grateful to have her to confide in.

“You never answered my question, though. Are you going to tell him, or?”

Anne popped the sweet into her mouth and rolled it around with her tongue a little. The sour raspberry flavour made her cringe for a moment, before the churning in her stomach began to settle. 

“I mean obviously I’m going to tell him,” she said around the pop, “I mean what else can I do, wait until I have a belly out to here, and then be like ‘hey Gil, remember that one time we had sex on my birthday? Turns out you’re not supposed to keep condoms in your wallet. Actually there are over a dozen things that can cause condoms to be ineffective, but surely you know that as a doctor.’ No he deserves to know. Sooner rather than later.”

“So why haven’t you called him yet?”

“I can’t have that conversation over the phone!” Anne cried. “Besides, I fly out to Toronto for his graduation tomorrow, I’ll tell him while I’m there. This is something that should be done face to face anyhow.”

Diana’s fingers carded through Anne’s hair, braiding it back away from her face.“You know, there’s still time. You don’t have to have it.” 

Anne had thought about that too. It had been the very first thing she had thought about after finding out she was pregnant. She wasn’t ready to upend her entire life for one night. She had just settled in at her job at the middle school, and for the first time in her young adult life, she was debt free. She still had dreams of travelling and writing a novel, and somewhere in all of that she hoped to still be able to look for and possibly find love. Could she really do any of that with another mouth to feed? Anne loved her students, she loved her friend’s children, but she had never even thought to imagine motherhood for herself. She didn’t even know if she could be a good mom. 

Furthermore, women had fought for the right to make decisions regarding their bodies. It was her right not to be pregnant if she didn’t want to! In one of the darker times of her life, Anne had wondered about if her mom had ever thought about not having her, and for one lingering moment had wished she had chosen not to if that meant she would have been spared the things she’d endured in the foster system. 

“According to this, it’s only the size of a blueberry right now. You’re still well within the--”

Anne held up her hand. “I know, Diana. And I appreciate your solidarity and support more than any earthly thing. You’re like Boadecea or Joan of Arc with how valiantly you have fought with me and for me over the years. A bosom friend through and through. But I thought about it--I even had the appointment scheduled, and I couldn’t bring myself to go. I know and have considered every argument for doing it, but I think...I think I want this baby.”

_ Baby. _ The moment the word left Anne’s lips she realized it was the first time she had referred to it as a  _ baby _ . Before then she had only ever thought of it as ‘an inconvenience’ or had referred to herself as ‘being pregnant.’ She hadn’t used the word, now that she had she knew it was because she wanted them. This baby. Gilbert’s baby. 

“Oh God, Diana.” she breathed. “How am I going to tell him?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope The flashbacks didn't jar you too much. There are a few more that will pop up.
> 
> The song Anne sings in the beginning of the chapter is called "Far Side of the World" by Tide Lines. It is a contemporary song, but has a very traditional folk song feel, which is how I imagine it in this universe. 
> 
> Up Next: Anne attends Gilbert's med school graduation, and performs some mild vandalism.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @electric-amp or @ohmygodnighttroll
> 
> When in doubt, Pull out your permit. The permit that says "This is my fic, and I can do whatever I want with it."


End file.
